Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Home Sick
Spanish is going crappy anyways. I have D+ and like 12 0s. i need to get good grade on final or my dad might ground me during part of the summer. Math B- cuz i blew off some hw then got caught helping someone else on test. English alright high B need to good on final. I want to take Chem honors next year cuz a bunch of my friends are and only 2 teachers so prbly get put in same class but im late on turning in the change ur class form =(.
Nicky and I are planning some Great America trips this summer. he wants to go with a bunch of different groups of his friends. I'd prbly go twice once with my group (Darren, Nicky, Calvin, Raymond, White Patrick, and me) and once with the sierramont "emo hater group" (what nicky calls em XD). we need to get good planning for that.
school gets out on thursday :D! gonna see terminator with nicky and some other ppl prbly and hang out with claire and friends and stuff. got missions trip this summer for a week, then claires going to singapore for 3 weeks then bringing her grandma back for 2 weeks. i got michigan trip with family in august. then school starts again.
Out
Saturday, May 30, 2009
back
Anyways I hope to get a summer job! I want to work so i can save up money so as soon as i turn 18 i can get out of this hellhole. hopefully claire can join me when shes 18 ;).
Schools terrible for me right now. My spanish got to D+ recently which means i need summer school or retake next year if it doesnt go up to C-. Cadd suxs its boring and i blew off a bunch of projects got C now. Hedstrom=dumb old talking prune. English actually doing alright. Math went from A- to B- cuz i didnt do constructions stuff. need to make that up.
My friends right now aren't very good. Nickys awesome of course. But besides him mostly they only care about stupid video games. they are always talking about some random crap involving some online game or something and i just stay quiet cuz i actually got better things to do then get 1431049230495 killz on COD or combat arms or whatever. I dont talk to pretty much any of them besides nicky shawn and raymond about anything serious. and raymonds kinda detached and apathetical about everything although hes rly smart. nickys cool :D. Ive been talking to shawn some recently. Idk lots of things have happened and hes said some things i didnt expect and im not rly sure bout him anymore... plus hes so OMG EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE PERFECT BETWEEN ME AND MY MAN FRIENDDD D:. i like him and all its just kinda ridiculous sometimes...
Good things have happened for me and claire recently. im getting more cheerful :). now i just want time to fast forward so im an adult alrdy.
oooh made a big list of my fav songs! Got a bunch including multiple songs from
- Green Day
- Queen
- and of course ADAM LAMBERT!
Britains got talent was interesting. Susan Boyle LOST :O. Diversity the dance group won. I still think Greg Pritchard got scammed cuz Hollie Steele started crying in the fourth semi final and got pushed to the 5th and only 2 can go to final so she stole his spot.
Im only gonna be blogging occasionally from now on idk how much.
Out
Thursday, March 12, 2009
im done for now...
out
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Mask
So anywayz
2day was boringz. Hedstrom was terrible with her test almost noone finished and Cadd was bad cuz i got moved to the back and im not looking forward to antigone in english. Everythings moving slow and dull right now.
out
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
What might have been...
Had a talk with my dad about claire. I didn't tell him anything at all. i just cant.
Seriously i wonder if cutting myself would at least distract my mind for a few minutes. i overthink too many things and it drives me crazy. I know i can never me completely content untill either everythings good or one things is perfect. i know that everything will never be good and i doubt anything will ever be perfect. if everything was good i could think about anything and id be happy even with slight imperfections cuz i know the big picture is good. if one thing was perfect i could focus and relish that and itd be my little escape from the rest of the world. Few things are actually important enough to fall under this category i can only think of 3 possibilities atm. Whenever I think about anything i overthink it like crazy and i consider everything like what i couldve done differently and if i couldve stopped something from happening or changed something or someone. Then I think what i can do to fix it but usually somethings stopping me. then i just keep thinking about what mightve been and i drive myself crazy over it. and i worry about what further things could happen. Then i lose track of what the hell i was thinking about leaving me a jumbled mess. its pathetic
What might have been...
Out
Friday, February 27, 2009
Fail
Bad friend
Aggravating son
Annoying brother
Stupid boyfriend
Lazy student
Socially unaccepted
Poor worker
Even in the few areas i thought i was doing ok in ive been recently told that i suck. I feel like im failing in everything. It wouldnt suprise me if in the end i managed to drive the people i care about away and feel like i failed life. Then If I went to a tall building and killed myself, who would stop to give a damn? almost noone.
Bleh...
im just so tired of all the crap in my life. i just want everything to be simple.
I cant even sleep right anymore. fail at that too
youfail.org my new website
out
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
mind warz
Ok got back thursday from tahoe friday claire came over which was nice and we watched dark knight (again for both of us but still awshum movie!)
Saturday i went to claires where we went to cal skate with jessica and alvin and alda. alvin and alda didnt skate much and jessicas sisters were there. after skating we went back to claires house and hung out.
sunday i went to church then nickys then youth group. Darren and Calvin were also at nickys. it was ok but they ended up doing coop on this boring shooter game that i didnt want to play so nicky gave me the laptop so i could chat with claire.
monday school again. i felt blehish all day. Things bugging me. Tuesday and today went much the same way.
blehhh
my mind is out to drive me insane
outtie
Thursday, February 19, 2009
i be back
Out
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
bored
Anyways went to bed after that. woke up 9:40 ish and hung around house for a while went bowling at 2ish long wait where i killed daniel at arcade games then we bowled and i killed him at that too. and he got mad. went home and hung some more. nothing rly happened today. boring most of the time.
bleh
Monday, February 16, 2009
103.7 the river
i wanna go homez
sigh
out
Sunday, February 15, 2009
burn tahoe
i cant wait until i go back!
burn tahoe to the ground! too bad its all snowy right now.
out.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
tahoey
Woke up early 2day and went skiing. It was annoying mum was shouting and saying AHH WE BE LATE OMG! then it was WAY to cold and i didnt have enough clothes on and my hands actually went numb. i couldnt feel them after i fell in the snow. I went in and warmed them up at lunch. I just went to the car after lunch it was too cold and someone had to watch dougie while mom and dad went to ski with my aunt. terrible day overall. Managed to get internet connected though. dinner soon then im going to familys again. gonna play chess with my supposed genuis chessmaster cuzin or something. hell probably destroy me. he won 15 dollars in his last tournament. i expect to be crushed but w/e just for fun. might be on meebo after if i can.
all this time locked up with family is just creating tension. thankfully we can escape to crazy aunt and uncles who just laugh all the time. where i can escape for a few hours. i miss claire and friends. i even prefer schoool to this >.<. At least at home i can escape to my room or outside or something. or can be distracted by aim.
Whats the point of a vacation if its more stressful than life?
and boring too
out
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
worry worry
Today was bad. I spent most of P.E and Spanish worrying about a phone call and that Dang would be jumped because he unwisely wore mexican and black gang shoes. Continued to worry bout stuff all day. Bio played solitare and minesweeper english wrote essay geometry listened to charles ipod. Break and lunch were nice but way too short >.<.
Im currently worrying about like 4 different things. I just want all the random crap and problems to end. Every time it seems like i am about to come to a resolution and be able to be free of problems something new comes up. Then i stress about that. I just want to be stress free for a while like a month then a problem for a week then more stress free time. But its all being heaped on and hasnt ended since like december. Its all just tiring to me.
If Spencer messes up claires life anymore ima kill him.
Out
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Life doesnt suck
anywayz!
yesterday was sadies! I went over to clairebears house at 5 where we played badminton and then ate dinner. Alex was weird as always in his funny way. We went to the dance and at first it was mostly empty and we just sat down. We talked about stuff. Then we got up and danced around for a while with all the weridy ppl grinding. I threw these wrist things into the crowd at random ppl. We left at 10 and went and talked and stuff for 30 mins.
Today i went to church at 8:30 and stayed till 2:30. i was unaware of the schedule and ended up having to reschedule my time with claire. Anyways went to big service then high school service then lunch at church then mexico meeting. It was ok i guess. kinda boring and we didnt really do anything XD. Came home and we picked claire up at 3. She came over and we walked and then went into side yard and talked and stuff. Some things were resolved and new things happened and i am happy :). I feel like were finally being as close and trusting as we should.
Im going to try not to be sad anymore! as long as i have one good reason to be happy and it is not obscured or disturbed by something bad hovering around it i should be happy. Cheers for happiness :).
A happy man says
outtie
Friday, February 6, 2009
Life sucks
I am currently hating most of my life. Isnt that nice!
well lets see whats happened recently.
Golf tryouts yesterday and i made the cut and so did tyler and darren. Charles however didnt. I didnt think he did that bad. Poor charles. I did good in tryouts except for one terrible shot where i hit a bump on the mat and skidded it 2 feet and i think i bent my club >.<
I bought my matchmakers thing because sure why not. And amrits one of my new best friends. Im gonna harrass him about it till he screams :D. Philip was also on my friends list. For romantic thing claire got ninth. Which goes to show how fake these things are. Claires 9th out of 750 or so people for me on the form, yet i wouldnt exchange her for anyone in the world :).
More shocking news from charles. Amazing how that works. Didnt make me as mad as last time. I've come to expect loads of crap and bad news from spencer. mostly just shocking and makes me somewhat angry. Just reinforces my desire to drive a knife into his head.
Sadies tomorrow. Hopefully Claire can do something before we leave for the dance. Her mom probably wont let her. Shes been more controlling on her time lately of being on computer and stuff. Its frustrating. I really want to spend time away from dance just alone so we can talk and stuff. Also might do something on sunday. HOPEFULLY. As long as parents dont cause trouble we should be able to.
Winter break soon. And i know im going to hate it! isnt that nice. We are leaving on friday the 13th and going to tahoe for a week. we dont come back till the 21st. We will mostly be skiing. We are staying at our time share we own and use once every few years. My main memories from that place include a swimming pool with WAY too much chlorine which made me eyes almost swell completely shut and gave me rashes which bugged me like crazy for days in my ski suit and a shower door breaking and cutting up my legs and feet. Isnt that nice? plus just more time locked away with my family away from claire. :(.
I want 95% of my time spent to not be there anymore so i can always be in the 5%.
So screw 95% of life!
out
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Parents
PARENTS
parents. They are supposedly here to love nurture and support us throughout our childhood years so we can flourish and prosper as active adult members of our community in the future. Ya right. I think parents are just people who want to control us and they try to live a second life through us by making our lives the way they wanted to go. Then when they are 75 and we are 40 or so they can look back and say theres my boy/girl. They want us to do what they want because it gives them a sense of control and power which satisfies them. When the kids dont do what they want they get mad. I want to shake parents in general and say KIDS HAVE LIVES OF THEIR OWN! it isnt any of the parents business what kids do unless it is something illegal that should be reported to HIGHER authority such as the cops. Other than that I say keep your noses out of our business. I don't believe a parent should be able to tell a kid what they can and cant do. The kid should be able to do whatever he or she wants. And then live with the consequences. So if a kid decides not to study for a while and gets a B instead of an A they shouldnt be punished. The punishment is a B instead of an A! thats what happens! Or if someone decides to do something with a friend or peers and it creates problems it is the childs problems and the child must deal with it. The parent shouldn't be all worried and act controlling about the kids problem. when u grow up noone is going to make you study or make u work hard or make u clean up so you must learn from your own actions and judgements and not depend on your parents to always tell you what to do.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal.
Well why do kids always get told what to do if we are EQUALS
gah im just frustrated with a whole bunch of crap. Not just parents but other stuff too.
golf tryouts tomorrow.
Out
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
problems
Sorry bout yesterdayz weird post. I was so worried and freaking out. Cant go into specifics why so too bad ;p.
Nothing exciting in life. Just boring classes. but i dont have to be at school until 12. Thats nice. Meeting claire at doughnut shop at 10. She might have annabelle with her and idk how that will work out thats weird >.<
School tomorrow and i got Bio test and i THINK its on chapter 10. I dont know what chapter 10 is about but at least i got the number :D. English finish oddysey which isnt too bad and math i might get paid for super bowl bets.
sigh...
It seems there is problem after problem for me. Something seemed finally resolved like a week ago and now something new has happened that sorta brings it back up. And new complications have brought new people and problems into it. Just so weird and kinda confusing now. blaugh.
The problems usually depress me and then most of the time im also doing boring stuff and my mind wanders to the bad things and i get all depressed. They kinda weigh down on me
And yet...
there are so many other people who have much worse problems then me. Nicky for example has leukemia and has to do chemotherapy and recently his father has had an aneurism or something and is in the hospital. He had memory problems and idk if hes fully recovered. Yet nicky is always happy and cheerful and never gets mad or negative towards anyone. I dont know how he can always have a smile he says its cuz he had a life threatening experience he values life more. i wish i could have an experience like that that could make me happier although life threatening sounds scary >.<. And my few problems arent as bad as his and im the one whos depressed...
anyways
out
Monday, February 2, 2009
...
damn
im so nervous my legs are shaking my hearts racing and i cant think. if what i fear is true is true then i dont know whats gonna happen.
ive got a new most nervous in my life time.
gah this is all my fault...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
stupid brain
I feel bad and confused and nervous and i wish i could kill my brain so it couldn't think for itself. just leave my heart so i could still love and feel emotions and care about other people and what they want. I want my brain gone so i cant have my own opinions. they are usually stupid and selfish and bad and i dont even care about them that much. i want others to be happy more than what i want.
I keep rereading the 6 1/2 pages in my hand. I usually just reread one or 2 certain paragraphs. my head hurts and i cant think.
i feel dead to everything except claire. Its somewhat annoying. I wish i had other things just so i could take my mind off of everything for a while. i think it would help me refocus
sigh
out
Friday, January 30, 2009
CMON STEELERS
CMON STEELERS
Im looking forward to tomorrow. Darrens party should be ok but what im really looking forward to is claire and the letters :D. I cant wait i think itll be great.
and btw
is it'll really a abbreviation thingy? im not sure >.<
random i knos!
I need to work on my letter and i will when claire logs off.
outtie
Thursday, January 29, 2009
race fair!
The last few days have been ok. Working on something that i need to finish by saturday or sunday. Kinda boring with claire not on much anymore. Still things havnt gone as badly as they did on monday.
Today it was short day. There was the international fair with a bunch of different races represented. I started laughing when i saw a guy from my old school who thought he was all cool and stuff with a painted mustache on his face. It was ok. Some ok food and i got 2 fortunes from fortune cookies. I forgot the first one and the second one said a lost treasure will be soon found or something. After school i biked to the library. I met claire there. We talked about some stuff. i was happy when it was said and done.
Gotta go now will blog more tmrw or later tonight
Monday, January 26, 2009
Word of the day is crap
P.E - Cold Crap
Spanish - Boring Crap
Break - awesome of course but its only 15 minutes long...
CADD - Stupid Crap
Bio - Hedstrom Crap
Lunch - Pointless crap
English - depressing crap
Geometry - Frustrating Crap
Then i come home and guess what more news is!!!
Crap
suprise suprise
Yesterday was fun. Bowling for claires party.
I'm too tired and frustrated to type.
out
Sunday, January 25, 2009
stupid
stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid
stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid
stupid
stupidstupid
stupidstupid
stupidstupid
stupidstupid
stupidstupid
stupid
stupidstupid
stupid
stupidstupid
stupid
stupidstupid
stupid
stupidstupid
stupid
stupid
im a complete retard.
this should be my new website dedicated to me www.youfail.org
out
Saturday, January 24, 2009
complications
my head hurts.
out
Friday, January 23, 2009
Emo Ryans making a comeback
i need to not be emo this is pathetic! i think i need to get more sleep.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Now i know
Anyways...
Today was long. P.E was boring golf spanish was boring worksheet cadd was boring drawing bio was boring hedstrom and geometry was boring people. Only my english class was good. We got our finals back and i had one of the better finals scores and i found out i beat kevin. LIKE OMG I BEAT FREAKING KEVIN! hes the nerdy kid who studies all the time and gets As on everything. We also took this test to determine our best match for sadis hawkins dance and i just laughed. These tests are total bs XD. whatever results i get from that ill just say no thanks i already got the best match ever :). Break was nice as usual i always feel happiest when im around claire. Lunch was ok me and tyler and darren went to sign up for the golf team. This is the first year where they have to cut some people as there are limited spots on teams due to reeduced budgets. I think me and darren have a decent shot at making the team. Sadly i think tyler has no chance. based on the one time he played he did terrible.
Emo ryans corpse is trying to get up but i keep kicking it back down. it was back for a while after daniel beat me up yesterday but the prospect of the weekend with claire and other things ended up driving it away. still worry but i dont get emo bout it ^.^
The past few months have been amazing for me in the good times and the bad. Ive had times where i have felt insanely happy and insanely depressed. Before i met claire life was just sorta like a side show for me. Id just live it out for the simple pleasures like when i could play fun video games and go to fun places. I didnt really care about anything. It was all just there and i ignored it and was apathetical to almost everything. There were a few things that made me happy or sad but nothing that really made me bother to think twice. Now that i do seriously care about something i feel that i am living life the way it was meant to be lived. Among the happiness challenges have arisen and before that i hadnt had anything important happen to me that i had to try hard to fix. It was all just a cruise for me. The new challenges make me feel like im actually an adult and mature. That i actually have to worry about something and put an effort and emotion into making it all be better. Even my moment of insane depression made me feel alive. The only time i mightve ever felt anything near it is when my grandpa died. But that isnt really a challenge its just things that happen as time goes bye and nothing i can do about it. My moment of insane depression made me feel that i cared about something. That my life actually was worth a second glance. That finally something was this important to me. The happy blissful moments made me feel like i could do something important to me with my life. Something that wasnt just work work work or unimportant play. That something could just make me forget everything else and smile. I wouldnt trade all that has happened between me and claire, bad and good, for anything. Nothing has been more important to me in my life than this is now.
I used to wonder why society put so much attention and hype on love.
Now i know.
Out
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
knockout
At this point my brother knocked me out against the wall and i dont want to #$%&ing type.
Monday, January 19, 2009
perfection seeking
I think i am seeking perfection too much. I think emo ryan is gone at least for now but i am still sad about some things. I love claire so much and i just want everything to be perfect between me and her but i know that is impossible. There are too many small unknowns and worries and little problems that float around. I feel so many things and i just cant describe it all. i just wish we could both know everything the other thinks and feels and understand each other perfectly so we can just be together and not have to worry about anything. I know this is impossible as it is in the humans nature to worry but i feel insecure despite the fact i shouldnt at all. I worry about the tiniest things and am terrified i will lose her. i wish i had a way to test everything i want to say or do before i do it so i dont have to take any risks. i hate taking risks when i could lose all that i love.
anywayz following that little rant i shall follow up with another completely unrelated one! what fun!
tomorrow is january 20th and a big day for america. Obama will be sworn in as the 44th president of the united states. I think this is the most important inaugaration in the history of america since george washington. it marks a pivotal turning point on how race is viewed in america. I think this perfectly represents that in this country anything is possible as long as you have the drive and the desire to achieve it more than anyone else. I believe obama will bring great change to the nation and will start a new chapter in american leadership.
school tomorrow
out
locked away
I've got to stop being all emo. I know people who have far greater troubles then me and remain happy all the time. i should act more like them. True i have one or 2 really bad things going on but ive also got a really good thing going on and that should be enough to make me happy. I have locked emo ryan in a cage and he can only be awakened if something comes and rouses him.
The super bowl this year makes me want to scream. Cardinals vs. Steelers? Thats my 2nd least favorite super bowl combination possible. however i must root for the cardinals so the niners can hold their 5 super bowl record and not have the steelers break it.
And im sure all my readers are avid football fans...
out
Sunday, January 18, 2009
park and stuff...
Sorry for not blogging last night. I was just too tired. I cant put all my thoughts down in here cuz they too scrambled and random and confused. i just want to get this thing to be talked about and resolved so we can put it behind us and move on. I just dont know exactly how and i feel bad talking about it. i want it to be talked about but its just hard...
i just wish things were different...
out
Friday, January 16, 2009
finals are over!
Feeling slightly less gloomy then the last few days. Maybe just gone stress of finals. maybe looking forward to fun weekend. im still slightly nervous bout talk. Im not really sure about anything right now.
looking forward to weekend and possible 3 days straight with claire :D.
Out
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Spikes
I was talking to raymond earlier. He said something he observed in the 3 or so friends hes seen with girlfriends is that your happiness meter turns into spikes and everything else seems dull by comparison. Thats about true for me right now. Maybe im just on a down spike right now. Itll probably go back up. Just need something to shake it up a little. And that somethings probably coming...
Spike meter go up!
Looking forward to tomorrow with nicky and friendz and possible 3 days straight with claire :D. of course probably wont. saturday is probably sunday is maybe and monday is a yessy. need to work out times and stuff.
Out
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Day One
feeling somewhat depressy/emo again D=. stupid everything bugging me. looking forward to da weekend for fun stuff with claire :].
Out
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
burnt to hellz!
I feel its pathetic i cant even name 5 serious good things about my life. I could only name one. Nothing else seems to be good anymore. Even Darren has started showing angry signs at me and he almost never gets angry. Tyler maintains his avoiding ignoring ways. Nickys good but hes not really a friend i can feel i can talk to about serious stuff. He just doesnt take anything seriously enough. I dont really like my group of friends right now. I miss the mcs group. My mother remains a angry banshee and my brother continues to be an ass. School remains annoying. Finals tmrw. still need to read the odyssey and all.i hate studying i view school as work time and home as free time from school. I hate doing homework and stuff. thats why i always do it in class. There is nothing else good happening in life right now. Everythings makes me sad.
I just laugh and smile cause i dont really know how to do anything else. But there is one good reason to smile :).
Sad Ryan out
Monday, January 12, 2009
Im somewhat nervous with talking about the thing with claire. I think that its something we should talk but still...
Gah finals. Im now on chapter 4 of the odyssey! only 300pages left! OMG IS SO LONG AND BORING AND EVERYTHING TAKES FOREVER EXPLAIN SOMETHING IN ONE LINE FOR ONCE FOOLS! STUPID GREEKY PEOPLE!
Blaugh
Out
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A distracting day (in the good way)
anyways
finals next week! dang
only finals thatll be hard are bio spanish and english...
O SHIT
ENGLISH
DAMN DAMN DAMN
SERIOUSLY I JUST REMEMBER I HAVE TO READ THE ODYSSEY STILL
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Grah
now im even more depressed than i was 1 minute ago -_______________-.
great.
Out
Saturday, January 10, 2009
talking
I dont know if she wants to talk about it any more. If she duz thats fine if she duznt thats fine. I just want whatever makes her happy and comfortable about this. Whatever makes her happy. Because i love her so much <3.
Looking forward to tomorrow.
Out
Friday, January 9, 2009
slightly emo me
my friends mostly arent people i feel i can be myself around. Darren is extremely quiet and doesnt care enough about other people and the world around him. He is too sucked up in the grades rat race that many students are working in. He doesnt interact with others enough and is out of touch with his friends. Tyler is somewhat selfish and doesnt really care about his friends and how they feel. He just wants them for company. And if that company gets bad he wants them gone. That happened between us in early 7th grade and he told me to leave our little group but by late 7th grade we were decent friends again. Tulanis an annoying self righteous conceited superior smug pig. Raymond doesnt really know me at all. A few other faces i know who just dont understand me. Nickys my only friend who i feel takes me seriously. I havnt always been the best friend but hes been good. he doesnt fully understand me either but id say only like 1 or maybe 2 people ever have.
School is completely stupid. Im cheating in biology to pass because hedstrom is completely retarded and cant teach for crap. I do feel sorta bad for this although if i had a decent teacher from which i could actually learn the damn material from. Spanish is impossible because i cant really understand the stupid lady who switches between english i cant hear cuz of her accent and spanish i dont understand. Shes also an evil bat who marks me down for the stupidest reasons. Ive got a bunch of people who think they are funny making fun of me for the stupidest reasons. Most of them are stupid jackasses. In Cadd ive got mason calling me gay cuz he thinks hes hilarious. English is my only class with pretty much good people. In math i got a bunch of high drunk sex addicted "cool" people harassing me asking if i wanna get high and if... well never mind.
Shouting mom and jackass brother make up my family life.
At school and around people i might seem mostly normal maybe a little quieter and subdued but pretty much the same. Thats just me. I never really show whats going on in the inside when im surrounded by people. I just laugh and talk and go with the flow. Even when on the inside im crying. Ive only got one good reason not to give up. And its my only reason to be happy.
Hopefully things improve
Out
Longgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg and boring
Came home had to build cabinet with mom. After trying to point out her mistakes and in return being yelled at, i let her fiddle wrongly with the screws for 45 minutes or so and eventually tried to take an ormanent off the tree with a hammer out of pure self amusement. Not a good idea. After it broke mum blamed me for the cabinet problems and left. Dad took over and we finished 20-30mins later. Annoying as hell
Quite a pattern there with those classes eh?
I feel like im stuck and nothings ever going to change...
i know it will change eventually but still i just feel stuck. Its depressing D=
Outtie
Thursday, January 8, 2009
-_______________________-
P.E was just in gym playing with good basketball players who ran circles around me and blocked all my shots. Spanish we had a sub which is good cuz ANYONES better then holloway. He even didnt care if we had music players so i looked at my neighbors ipod. Cadd was worse than usual we had sub who was strict and didnt let me go online to games and stuff. Break was nice and apparently claires brother wants to marry me. Biology was bad just old lady ranting. English was ok. Math was ok. After math while i was waiting for my ride i talked to charles. Charles is a guy who hanged out with my group of friends for a while earlier on in the year. After I started hanging out with claire at break and our group started going to chess club sometime and became more scattered, he ended up hanging out with spencers group. Anyways i was talking with charles and now im mad. not at him just at stuff he told me.
Now my brothers being a jackass making me madder
-_________________________________-
out
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
burn the epithet creature!
i want to burn my epithet creature XD.
Out
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
whatever the future may hold
Today was long. Couldnt concentrate in classes and the clocks seemed to be going backwards. Fell asleep in 2 of my classes again (spanish and geometry). I should probably go to bed sooner. But when im in bed and supposed to be sleeping im never tired! its so annoying >.<. P.E tiring, Spanish sleeping, Break relaxing and fun, cadd stupid, Bio retarded, English funny (cuz i got to listen to people maul greek words particulairly Vi with her accent) and geometry sum more sleeping.
Hmm ive fallen asleep in 5 classes so far in this new year, and if you discount P.E cuz thats not really a class, i have a 50% chance to fall asleep in class! awesome XD.
Looking forward into 2009, i hope its better than 2008. 2008 was quite good but hopefully 2009 is even better :D. My particular favorite time of 2008 was the last few months, and this year is the first year ive started with the thing that makes me the happiest ive ever been in my life. As long as i have it i can take all the rest of the crap that gets thrown at me. Hopefully all the crap will also improve, but thats like an added bonus. Its one of the few times in my life ive been truely happy about something. In the downs of my life where ive felt hopeless and depressed, its because ive had nothing to be happy about and the crap had gotten worse. But as long as i have one truely good thing to hold on to, i cant really be depressed. The good thing just shines through it all. This is the first time in my life that ive felt like someone will always be there for me.
I probably should stop ranting bout stuff but i like saying my mind.
Or typing my mind
whateva ;D
Out
Monday, January 5, 2009
Restless
First day back to school today. And upon entering this new year of school i managed to set a record and fall asleep in 3 of my classes! boo ya! In spanish where holloway walked right up next to me and said loudly in my ear how i expect to pass if i cant even stay awake. Then in bio where i slept for like 30 mins str8 with stupid hedstrom not even noticing to be woken up by being hit in the head with a book as the class was leaving (good thing or else hedstrom mighta noticed). And then in geometry to be woken up by Mr. De La Rosa after every1 else left. He shook me awake and then said its ok since i get As anyways >.>. Hes cool prbly 2nd fav teacher. Was up till 1:30 this morning working on epithet creature. Break was as always the highlight of my day and lunch was boring cuz i was working on taping things onto my epithet guy.
Been sorta restless lately. just thinking about things that bother me and how they need to be fixed. The tyler thing seems more stable after we got chance to hang out yesterday golfing. Seemed pretty normal today although i think im going to make sure im hanging with him during lunch more often. however if worst comes to worst and he demands what i think he might, im going to have to let him go as a friend. not looking forward to that. Another things been bothering me for months now and i think it will keep bothering me until it can be put to rest in its fair time and im ok with waiting for it as long as it takes for it to be ready.
Im hoping me and nicky and friends and ppl can maybe do another mall/bowling thing sometime that was fun :D. Also hoping claire and i do something this weekend although this is maybe due to reluctant mother which would suck if we cant and id have no idea what to do with all my extra time o.O.
Out
old friend new friend
Sunday was a fun day. I woke up and went on computer to make sure claire could go to dave and busters later. Me and my mom left for golfing with tyler and his mom. It was fun and i got a chance to talk with tyler which i havnt for a while. Both Tyler and his mom were terrible. They couldnt get the golf ball off the ground. it was funny XD. it was still fun i did ok although i still cant put for squat.
After golf i went directly to claires house to pick her up for dave and busters. Shawn invited us to go with him and norman. We met up there and went inside. Once we were in i bought a card and put the dave and busters money thingies on it. Me and claire just walked around and played random games while shawn and norman went crazy at the wheel of fortune token pusher doohickey. Later we all went and played trivia. I won the most cuz i know too many random facts >.>. some bratty kids sitting on both of my sides were copying my answers and even reached over and hit my answer buttons to mess me up. i wanted to throttle them. We played some more games and eventually ended with this bowling game where u have to spin a bowling ball attached to a machine. and it was SO F#($ING MESSED UP! u went down a big hill then up one and it was almost impossible to reach the top. i got 37. and that was the HIGH SCORE. extremely sad. We then went to ticket store where i just bought candy cuz they didnt have anything good. Claires mum picked us up and took me home.
Very fun day.
Out
Saturday, January 3, 2009
One single choice
The brave people feature in valkyrie made a choice that changed history. Many single choices have molded to shape the world we live in today. Today i see people take risks and make choices that either pay off and help mold them into who they are today, or the choice is bad and turns out being a big mistake that they wish never happened. I say you only get one life and you live it once and any mistakes and successful risks are just a part of what happens and nothing to agonize over unless they can affect you in the future.
Anyways after i got back from valkyrie i went on computer and aimed with ppl and listened to the playoff football games today. First game is falcons vs. cardinals and im like NO WAY CARDINALS WIN THE FALCS WILL CRUSH EM! and then the cardinals win -____-. Then colts vs. chargers and im like CHARGERS SUCK COLTS GOT DIS! then chargers win in overtime -____________- im 0-2 on playoff games so far and the next 2 im even less sure about those 2. Gah im sure none of my readers care about football but anywho...
Looking forward to golf and Dave and busters tmrw!
Out
Friday, January 2, 2009
why i DONT like blogger
And dont worry anyone i might know im not mad at anyone or anything just me getting mad over things for little or no reason.
Just me being crazy.
Out
Leonardo Da vinci
Today i went to the Da Vinci exhibit with claire and her family. It was pretty interesting. It leaves town in 2 days so i recommend seeing it tmrw if u have not yet. Da Vinci was obviously an amazing genius restricted by the lack of technology in his time. If he had been alive during the 20th century, i think we would be about 10 years ahead technologically from where we are now.
After the exhibit we went to eat at The old spaghetti factory (i think thats right >.>) which i insisted should be called ye olde spaghetti castle so its more old sounding. Anyways i got fettucini alfredo which was ok. we went to her house after where we watched a movie her uncle helped to make that was in french. I couldnt understand a word but it looked funny XD. After i got taken home by her mum.
and OMG i got my 3rd follower. Havnt gotten new follower since i like started. Dunno who it is for sure all i know is 14 year old female who, judging by the list of blogs shes following, is a friend of claires or nickys.
Anyways out
Thursday, January 1, 2009
welcome 2009!
- Contact Ryan Carlsson!
- Dont get as mad at mom and dan and less often.
- Convince parents to get us xbox 360
- Dont mess up what i have with claire and try to still be together in 2010 and hopefully beyond!
- find a way to get an A in biology (cheating if it comes down to that but hopefully not)
- get spanish
- be a happy man!
Yes a very exciting list there.
Anyways today was fun. Stayed up till 2 in morning and then went to bed. Didnt do anything in morning and got picked up by claire at 1:30ish. Went to see Seven Pounds which was ok somewhat depressing though. Will Smith did a pretty good job he always does. Anyways then we went to claires house where we played video games with alex for a while which got boring after a while. Still had fun i always do :D.
Out