Today was ok. school was bleh. claire came over after which was nice. im feeling depressed now though. ive been looking at myself lately and ive looked at myself from some prespectives of my life. heres what ive found.
Bad friend
Aggravating son
Annoying brother
Stupid boyfriend
Lazy student
Socially unaccepted
Poor worker
Even in the few areas i thought i was doing ok in ive been recently told that i suck. I feel like im failing in everything. It wouldnt suprise me if in the end i managed to drive the people i care about away and feel like i failed life. Then If I went to a tall building and killed myself, who would stop to give a damn? almost noone.
Bleh...
im just so tired of all the crap in my life. i just want everything to be simple.
I cant even sleep right anymore. fail at that too
youfail.org my new website
out
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
mind warz
sorry i havnt blogged in a whilez been busy and lazy and my minds been bugging the crap out of me. idk what to think anymore. bleh
Ok got back thursday from tahoe friday claire came over which was nice and we watched dark knight (again for both of us but still awshum movie!)
Saturday i went to claires where we went to cal skate with jessica and alvin and alda. alvin and alda didnt skate much and jessicas sisters were there. after skating we went back to claires house and hung out.
sunday i went to church then nickys then youth group. Darren and Calvin were also at nickys. it was ok but they ended up doing coop on this boring shooter game that i didnt want to play so nicky gave me the laptop so i could chat with claire.
monday school again. i felt blehish all day. Things bugging me. Tuesday and today went much the same way.
blehhh
my mind is out to drive me insane
outtie
Ok got back thursday from tahoe friday claire came over which was nice and we watched dark knight (again for both of us but still awshum movie!)
Saturday i went to claires where we went to cal skate with jessica and alvin and alda. alvin and alda didnt skate much and jessicas sisters were there. after skating we went back to claires house and hung out.
sunday i went to church then nickys then youth group. Darren and Calvin were also at nickys. it was ok but they ended up doing coop on this boring shooter game that i didnt want to play so nicky gave me the laptop so i could chat with claire.
monday school again. i felt blehish all day. Things bugging me. Tuesday and today went much the same way.
blehhh
my mind is out to drive me insane
outtie
Thursday, February 19, 2009
i be back
I am back from tahoe. got back 2:30ish and unloaded car and stuff. Now instead of being bored like crazy in tahoe im bored like crazy in san jose. But claire will be here tomorrowz =D. cant wait!
Out
Out
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
bored
so the first important thing of the day happened at 12:02 am when daniel punched me for setting his laptop down. aint that nice.
Anyways went to bed after that. woke up 9:40 ish and hung around house for a while went bowling at 2ish long wait where i killed daniel at arcade games then we bowled and i killed him at that too. and he got mad. went home and hung some more. nothing rly happened today. boring most of the time.
bleh
Anyways went to bed after that. woke up 9:40 ish and hung around house for a while went bowling at 2ish long wait where i killed daniel at arcade games then we bowled and i killed him at that too. and he got mad. went home and hung some more. nothing rly happened today. boring most of the time.
bleh
Monday, February 16, 2009
103.7 the river
Today was actually ok. Went skiing but it took us more than 2 hours to get there in a 30 min drive cuz it was rly snowy and the chains kept failing. When we got there i went on one run with my family including doug so boring beginner run then caught up with my 2nd cuzins and went with them on some freestyle runs. my goggles kept fogging up. i had a really good jump off a box that i went backwardz off of then turned around after it was awshum. I stopped skiing at 2:30. I went to the car and dan was alrdy there and i turned to a radio station called 103.7 the river. The first song i heard played i knew and i was singing to it cuz i was bored. Then i knew the next song. then the next. then the next. and im like OMG I KNOW ALL THE SONGS. this lasted until 4:15 so about 13 songs later and i knew all the words to all but one which i knew most of the words. it was freaky. that was like all the songs i know. idk how that happened O.O. anyways we drove back and i had a dream we crashed then freaked out saying omg we gonna crash. got back and now here i am.
i wanna go homez
sigh
out
i wanna go homez
sigh
out
Sunday, February 15, 2009
burn tahoe
Yet another boring day here in tahoe. Today included fighting with brother over computer, getting lost trying to find the bowling alley, and me sleeping in until 11:00. My brother is insisting on having the laptop as absoulutely as much as he can. He keeps arguing with me. at least today mom went skiing. no extra yelling and tension. watched some tv and talked to claire some. turns out i had nothing to be worried about. Just my overactive imagination. It wasnt what i expected though.
i cant wait until i go back!
burn tahoe to the ground! too bad its all snowy right now.
out.
i cant wait until i go back!
burn tahoe to the ground! too bad its all snowy right now.
out.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
tahoey
Hello readers. Blogging from tahoe on my trip. Boring so far. showed up yesterday at 6vand immediately went to family for dinner. aunts uncles cousins etc there. Me my dad my brother my second cousin and my 2nd uncle (idk little crazy XD) played some games for a while then we left.
Woke up early 2day and went skiing. It was annoying mum was shouting and saying AHH WE BE LATE OMG! then it was WAY to cold and i didnt have enough clothes on and my hands actually went numb. i couldnt feel them after i fell in the snow. I went in and warmed them up at lunch. I just went to the car after lunch it was too cold and someone had to watch dougie while mom and dad went to ski with my aunt. terrible day overall. Managed to get internet connected though. dinner soon then im going to familys again. gonna play chess with my supposed genuis chessmaster cuzin or something. hell probably destroy me. he won 15 dollars in his last tournament. i expect to be crushed but w/e just for fun. might be on meebo after if i can.
all this time locked up with family is just creating tension. thankfully we can escape to crazy aunt and uncles who just laugh all the time. where i can escape for a few hours. i miss claire and friends. i even prefer schoool to this >.<. At least at home i can escape to my room or outside or something. or can be distracted by aim.
Whats the point of a vacation if its more stressful than life?
and boring too
out
Woke up early 2day and went skiing. It was annoying mum was shouting and saying AHH WE BE LATE OMG! then it was WAY to cold and i didnt have enough clothes on and my hands actually went numb. i couldnt feel them after i fell in the snow. I went in and warmed them up at lunch. I just went to the car after lunch it was too cold and someone had to watch dougie while mom and dad went to ski with my aunt. terrible day overall. Managed to get internet connected though. dinner soon then im going to familys again. gonna play chess with my supposed genuis chessmaster cuzin or something. hell probably destroy me. he won 15 dollars in his last tournament. i expect to be crushed but w/e just for fun. might be on meebo after if i can.
all this time locked up with family is just creating tension. thankfully we can escape to crazy aunt and uncles who just laugh all the time. where i can escape for a few hours. i miss claire and friends. i even prefer schoool to this >.<. At least at home i can escape to my room or outside or something. or can be distracted by aim.
Whats the point of a vacation if its more stressful than life?
and boring too
out
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
worry worry
Hello blog
Today was bad. I spent most of P.E and Spanish worrying about a phone call and that Dang would be jumped because he unwisely wore mexican and black gang shoes. Continued to worry bout stuff all day. Bio played solitare and minesweeper english wrote essay geometry listened to charles ipod. Break and lunch were nice but way too short >.<.
Im currently worrying about like 4 different things. I just want all the random crap and problems to end. Every time it seems like i am about to come to a resolution and be able to be free of problems something new comes up. Then i stress about that. I just want to be stress free for a while like a month then a problem for a week then more stress free time. But its all being heaped on and hasnt ended since like december. Its all just tiring to me.
If Spencer messes up claires life anymore ima kill him.
Out
Today was bad. I spent most of P.E and Spanish worrying about a phone call and that Dang would be jumped because he unwisely wore mexican and black gang shoes. Continued to worry bout stuff all day. Bio played solitare and minesweeper english wrote essay geometry listened to charles ipod. Break and lunch were nice but way too short >.<.
Im currently worrying about like 4 different things. I just want all the random crap and problems to end. Every time it seems like i am about to come to a resolution and be able to be free of problems something new comes up. Then i stress about that. I just want to be stress free for a while like a month then a problem for a week then more stress free time. But its all being heaped on and hasnt ended since like december. Its all just tiring to me.
If Spencer messes up claires life anymore ima kill him.
Out
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Life doesnt suck
I entitled my life blog post as life sucks. I now do not think life sucks as long as i have a reason to be happy which i do :D.
anywayz!
yesterday was sadies! I went over to clairebears house at 5 where we played badminton and then ate dinner. Alex was weird as always in his funny way. We went to the dance and at first it was mostly empty and we just sat down. We talked about stuff. Then we got up and danced around for a while with all the weridy ppl grinding. I threw these wrist things into the crowd at random ppl. We left at 10 and went and talked and stuff for 30 mins.
Today i went to church at 8:30 and stayed till 2:30. i was unaware of the schedule and ended up having to reschedule my time with claire. Anyways went to big service then high school service then lunch at church then mexico meeting. It was ok i guess. kinda boring and we didnt really do anything XD. Came home and we picked claire up at 3. She came over and we walked and then went into side yard and talked and stuff. Some things were resolved and new things happened and i am happy :). I feel like were finally being as close and trusting as we should.
Im going to try not to be sad anymore! as long as i have one good reason to be happy and it is not obscured or disturbed by something bad hovering around it i should be happy. Cheers for happiness :).
A happy man says
outtie
anywayz!
yesterday was sadies! I went over to clairebears house at 5 where we played badminton and then ate dinner. Alex was weird as always in his funny way. We went to the dance and at first it was mostly empty and we just sat down. We talked about stuff. Then we got up and danced around for a while with all the weridy ppl grinding. I threw these wrist things into the crowd at random ppl. We left at 10 and went and talked and stuff for 30 mins.
Today i went to church at 8:30 and stayed till 2:30. i was unaware of the schedule and ended up having to reschedule my time with claire. Anyways went to big service then high school service then lunch at church then mexico meeting. It was ok i guess. kinda boring and we didnt really do anything XD. Came home and we picked claire up at 3. She came over and we walked and then went into side yard and talked and stuff. Some things were resolved and new things happened and i am happy :). I feel like were finally being as close and trusting as we should.
Im going to try not to be sad anymore! as long as i have one good reason to be happy and it is not obscured or disturbed by something bad hovering around it i should be happy. Cheers for happiness :).
A happy man says
outtie
Friday, February 6, 2009
Life sucks
Dear blog
I am currently hating most of my life. Isnt that nice!
well lets see whats happened recently.
Golf tryouts yesterday and i made the cut and so did tyler and darren. Charles however didnt. I didnt think he did that bad. Poor charles. I did good in tryouts except for one terrible shot where i hit a bump on the mat and skidded it 2 feet and i think i bent my club >.<
I bought my matchmakers thing because sure why not. And amrits one of my new best friends. Im gonna harrass him about it till he screams :D. Philip was also on my friends list. For romantic thing claire got ninth. Which goes to show how fake these things are. Claires 9th out of 750 or so people for me on the form, yet i wouldnt exchange her for anyone in the world :).
More shocking news from charles. Amazing how that works. Didnt make me as mad as last time. I've come to expect loads of crap and bad news from spencer. mostly just shocking and makes me somewhat angry. Just reinforces my desire to drive a knife into his head.
Sadies tomorrow. Hopefully Claire can do something before we leave for the dance. Her mom probably wont let her. Shes been more controlling on her time lately of being on computer and stuff. Its frustrating. I really want to spend time away from dance just alone so we can talk and stuff. Also might do something on sunday. HOPEFULLY. As long as parents dont cause trouble we should be able to.
Winter break soon. And i know im going to hate it! isnt that nice. We are leaving on friday the 13th and going to tahoe for a week. we dont come back till the 21st. We will mostly be skiing. We are staying at our time share we own and use once every few years. My main memories from that place include a swimming pool with WAY too much chlorine which made me eyes almost swell completely shut and gave me rashes which bugged me like crazy for days in my ski suit and a shower door breaking and cutting up my legs and feet. Isnt that nice? plus just more time locked away with my family away from claire. :(.
I want 95% of my time spent to not be there anymore so i can always be in the 5%.
So screw 95% of life!
out
I am currently hating most of my life. Isnt that nice!
well lets see whats happened recently.
Golf tryouts yesterday and i made the cut and so did tyler and darren. Charles however didnt. I didnt think he did that bad. Poor charles. I did good in tryouts except for one terrible shot where i hit a bump on the mat and skidded it 2 feet and i think i bent my club >.<
I bought my matchmakers thing because sure why not. And amrits one of my new best friends. Im gonna harrass him about it till he screams :D. Philip was also on my friends list. For romantic thing claire got ninth. Which goes to show how fake these things are. Claires 9th out of 750 or so people for me on the form, yet i wouldnt exchange her for anyone in the world :).
More shocking news from charles. Amazing how that works. Didnt make me as mad as last time. I've come to expect loads of crap and bad news from spencer. mostly just shocking and makes me somewhat angry. Just reinforces my desire to drive a knife into his head.
Sadies tomorrow. Hopefully Claire can do something before we leave for the dance. Her mom probably wont let her. Shes been more controlling on her time lately of being on computer and stuff. Its frustrating. I really want to spend time away from dance just alone so we can talk and stuff. Also might do something on sunday. HOPEFULLY. As long as parents dont cause trouble we should be able to.
Winter break soon. And i know im going to hate it! isnt that nice. We are leaving on friday the 13th and going to tahoe for a week. we dont come back till the 21st. We will mostly be skiing. We are staying at our time share we own and use once every few years. My main memories from that place include a swimming pool with WAY too much chlorine which made me eyes almost swell completely shut and gave me rashes which bugged me like crazy for days in my ski suit and a shower door breaking and cutting up my legs and feet. Isnt that nice? plus just more time locked away with my family away from claire. :(.
I want 95% of my time spent to not be there anymore so i can always be in the 5%.
So screw 95% of life!
out
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Parents
I am annoyed and angry. I shall now rant about one of the main topics that annoys me.
PARENTS
parents. They are supposedly here to love nurture and support us throughout our childhood years so we can flourish and prosper as active adult members of our community in the future. Ya right. I think parents are just people who want to control us and they try to live a second life through us by making our lives the way they wanted to go. Then when they are 75 and we are 40 or so they can look back and say theres my boy/girl. They want us to do what they want because it gives them a sense of control and power which satisfies them. When the kids dont do what they want they get mad. I want to shake parents in general and say KIDS HAVE LIVES OF THEIR OWN! it isnt any of the parents business what kids do unless it is something illegal that should be reported to HIGHER authority such as the cops. Other than that I say keep your noses out of our business. I don't believe a parent should be able to tell a kid what they can and cant do. The kid should be able to do whatever he or she wants. And then live with the consequences. So if a kid decides not to study for a while and gets a B instead of an A they shouldnt be punished. The punishment is a B instead of an A! thats what happens! Or if someone decides to do something with a friend or peers and it creates problems it is the childs problems and the child must deal with it. The parent shouldn't be all worried and act controlling about the kids problem. when u grow up noone is going to make you study or make u work hard or make u clean up so you must learn from your own actions and judgements and not depend on your parents to always tell you what to do.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal.
Well why do kids always get told what to do if we are EQUALS
gah im just frustrated with a whole bunch of crap. Not just parents but other stuff too.
golf tryouts tomorrow.
Out
PARENTS
parents. They are supposedly here to love nurture and support us throughout our childhood years so we can flourish and prosper as active adult members of our community in the future. Ya right. I think parents are just people who want to control us and they try to live a second life through us by making our lives the way they wanted to go. Then when they are 75 and we are 40 or so they can look back and say theres my boy/girl. They want us to do what they want because it gives them a sense of control and power which satisfies them. When the kids dont do what they want they get mad. I want to shake parents in general and say KIDS HAVE LIVES OF THEIR OWN! it isnt any of the parents business what kids do unless it is something illegal that should be reported to HIGHER authority such as the cops. Other than that I say keep your noses out of our business. I don't believe a parent should be able to tell a kid what they can and cant do. The kid should be able to do whatever he or she wants. And then live with the consequences. So if a kid decides not to study for a while and gets a B instead of an A they shouldnt be punished. The punishment is a B instead of an A! thats what happens! Or if someone decides to do something with a friend or peers and it creates problems it is the childs problems and the child must deal with it. The parent shouldn't be all worried and act controlling about the kids problem. when u grow up noone is going to make you study or make u work hard or make u clean up so you must learn from your own actions and judgements and not depend on your parents to always tell you what to do.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal.
Well why do kids always get told what to do if we are EQUALS
gah im just frustrated with a whole bunch of crap. Not just parents but other stuff too.
golf tryouts tomorrow.
Out
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
problems
Hello blog. Hello readers. I bet only 3 people ever read this blog. Anywayz....
Sorry bout yesterdayz weird post. I was so worried and freaking out. Cant go into specifics why so too bad ;p.
Nothing exciting in life. Just boring classes. but i dont have to be at school until 12. Thats nice. Meeting claire at doughnut shop at 10. She might have annabelle with her and idk how that will work out thats weird >.<
School tomorrow and i got Bio test and i THINK its on chapter 10. I dont know what chapter 10 is about but at least i got the number :D. English finish oddysey which isnt too bad and math i might get paid for super bowl bets.
sigh...
It seems there is problem after problem for me. Something seemed finally resolved like a week ago and now something new has happened that sorta brings it back up. And new complications have brought new people and problems into it. Just so weird and kinda confusing now. blaugh.
The problems usually depress me and then most of the time im also doing boring stuff and my mind wanders to the bad things and i get all depressed. They kinda weigh down on me
And yet...
there are so many other people who have much worse problems then me. Nicky for example has leukemia and has to do chemotherapy and recently his father has had an aneurism or something and is in the hospital. He had memory problems and idk if hes fully recovered. Yet nicky is always happy and cheerful and never gets mad or negative towards anyone. I dont know how he can always have a smile he says its cuz he had a life threatening experience he values life more. i wish i could have an experience like that that could make me happier although life threatening sounds scary >.<. And my few problems arent as bad as his and im the one whos depressed...
anyways
out
Sorry bout yesterdayz weird post. I was so worried and freaking out. Cant go into specifics why so too bad ;p.
Nothing exciting in life. Just boring classes. but i dont have to be at school until 12. Thats nice. Meeting claire at doughnut shop at 10. She might have annabelle with her and idk how that will work out thats weird >.<
School tomorrow and i got Bio test and i THINK its on chapter 10. I dont know what chapter 10 is about but at least i got the number :D. English finish oddysey which isnt too bad and math i might get paid for super bowl bets.
sigh...
It seems there is problem after problem for me. Something seemed finally resolved like a week ago and now something new has happened that sorta brings it back up. And new complications have brought new people and problems into it. Just so weird and kinda confusing now. blaugh.
The problems usually depress me and then most of the time im also doing boring stuff and my mind wanders to the bad things and i get all depressed. They kinda weigh down on me
And yet...
there are so many other people who have much worse problems then me. Nicky for example has leukemia and has to do chemotherapy and recently his father has had an aneurism or something and is in the hospital. He had memory problems and idk if hes fully recovered. Yet nicky is always happy and cheerful and never gets mad or negative towards anyone. I dont know how he can always have a smile he says its cuz he had a life threatening experience he values life more. i wish i could have an experience like that that could make me happier although life threatening sounds scary >.<. And my few problems arent as bad as his and im the one whos depressed...
anyways
out
Monday, February 2, 2009
...
omg omg omg
damn
im so nervous my legs are shaking my hearts racing and i cant think. if what i fear is true is true then i dont know whats gonna happen.
ive got a new most nervous in my life time.
gah this is all my fault...
damn
im so nervous my legs are shaking my hearts racing and i cant think. if what i fear is true is true then i dont know whats gonna happen.
ive got a new most nervous in my life time.
gah this is all my fault...
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