slightly emo me

Im so tired. Ive been pretty depressed lately. it sorta started over christmas break but its hit full swing now. I feel like everythings becoming a battle. Classes, family, friends, etc. I dont got the energy to keep on fighting it all. I just want to roll up into a ball sit in a corner and let life go by. If i tried that im sure claire and nicky would find me drag me out of that corner. It seems that they're the only 2 good people left in my life. I also havnt been getting enough sleep lately just because i simply cant fall asleep. I just lie there sometimes for hours unable to sleep because im thinking about the things i care about. Main reasons im sad

my friends mostly arent people i feel i can be myself around. Darren is extremely quiet and doesnt care enough about other people and the world around him. He is too sucked up in the grades rat race that many students are working in. He doesnt interact with others enough and is out of touch with his friends. Tyler is somewhat selfish and doesnt really care about his friends and how they feel. He just wants them for company. And if that company gets bad he wants them gone. That happened between us in early 7th grade and he told me to leave our little group but by late 7th grade we were decent friends again. Tulanis an annoying self righteous conceited superior smug pig. Raymond doesnt really know me at all. A few other faces i know who just dont understand me. Nickys my only friend who i feel takes me seriously. I havnt always been the best friend but hes been good. he doesnt fully understand me either but id say only like 1 or maybe 2 people ever have.

School is completely stupid. Im cheating in biology to pass because hedstrom is completely retarded and cant teach for crap. I do feel sorta bad for this although if i had a decent teacher from which i could actually learn the damn material from. Spanish is impossible because i cant really understand the stupid lady who switches between english i cant hear cuz of her accent and spanish i dont understand. Shes also an evil bat who marks me down for the stupidest reasons. Ive got a bunch of people who think they are funny making fun of me for the stupidest reasons. Most of them are stupid jackasses. In Cadd ive got mason calling me gay cuz he thinks hes hilarious. English is my only class with pretty much good people. In math i got a bunch of high drunk sex addicted "cool" people harassing me asking if i wanna get high and if... well never mind.

Shouting mom and jackass brother make up my family life.

At school and around people i might seem mostly normal maybe a little quieter and subdued but pretty much the same. Thats just me. I never really show whats going on in the inside when im surrounded by people. I just laugh and talk and go with the flow. Even when on the inside im crying. Ive only got one good reason not to give up. And its my only reason to be happy.

Hopefully things improve

Out