I am going to stop blogging and putting moods on my social network accounts. I just cant communicate all thats happening right now in words. Too many problems for me and others and confusions and so much other crap. And so many of you are blissfully ignorant of the reality out there which will some day come and bite your ass. Too many of you just are coasting on your parents money and saying o yay getting good grades will make me happy and u spend too much time on homework. and you have no life. never faced a serious problem ever. Then there are people who are druggies and others who are so fucked up they cant tell life from a game and they take nothing seriously. Nerd and "cool". if you are either then you need to change. If your a nerd you need to expand your horizons and do something exciting with your life besides omg i just got my billionth A in my ap calculus class or some bull shit. If your cool get your heads out of the clouds take a look around you and look at the shit your life is in. Its a fine line and the only real way you should live in a modern day high school society. anything else and u wont be prepared for the world.
out
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Mask
Hello people. Ima stop blogging about my feelingz since it just brings other people down. And unless i put on a happy face to the world people will be depressed or not want to be around me. ima act happy all the time no matter whats going on on the inside. itz my new mask
So anywayz
2day was boringz. Hedstrom was terrible with her test almost noone finished and Cadd was bad cuz i got moved to the back and im not looking forward to antigone in english. Everythings moving slow and dull right now.
out
So anywayz
2day was boringz. Hedstrom was terrible with her test almost noone finished and Cadd was bad cuz i got moved to the back and im not looking forward to antigone in english. Everythings moving slow and dull right now.
out
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
What might have been...
Bleh... feeling emoish again...
Had a talk with my dad about claire. I didn't tell him anything at all. i just cant.
Seriously i wonder if cutting myself would at least distract my mind for a few minutes. i overthink too many things and it drives me crazy. I know i can never me completely content untill either everythings good or one things is perfect. i know that everything will never be good and i doubt anything will ever be perfect. if everything was good i could think about anything and id be happy even with slight imperfections cuz i know the big picture is good. if one thing was perfect i could focus and relish that and itd be my little escape from the rest of the world. Few things are actually important enough to fall under this category i can only think of 3 possibilities atm. Whenever I think about anything i overthink it like crazy and i consider everything like what i couldve done differently and if i couldve stopped something from happening or changed something or someone. Then I think what i can do to fix it but usually somethings stopping me. then i just keep thinking about what mightve been and i drive myself crazy over it. and i worry about what further things could happen. Then i lose track of what the hell i was thinking about leaving me a jumbled mess. its pathetic
What might have been...
Out
Had a talk with my dad about claire. I didn't tell him anything at all. i just cant.
Seriously i wonder if cutting myself would at least distract my mind for a few minutes. i overthink too many things and it drives me crazy. I know i can never me completely content untill either everythings good or one things is perfect. i know that everything will never be good and i doubt anything will ever be perfect. if everything was good i could think about anything and id be happy even with slight imperfections cuz i know the big picture is good. if one thing was perfect i could focus and relish that and itd be my little escape from the rest of the world. Few things are actually important enough to fall under this category i can only think of 3 possibilities atm. Whenever I think about anything i overthink it like crazy and i consider everything like what i couldve done differently and if i couldve stopped something from happening or changed something or someone. Then I think what i can do to fix it but usually somethings stopping me. then i just keep thinking about what mightve been and i drive myself crazy over it. and i worry about what further things could happen. Then i lose track of what the hell i was thinking about leaving me a jumbled mess. its pathetic
What might have been...
Out
Friday, February 27, 2009
Fail
Today was ok. school was bleh. claire came over after which was nice. im feeling depressed now though. ive been looking at myself lately and ive looked at myself from some prespectives of my life. heres what ive found.
Bad friend
Aggravating son
Annoying brother
Stupid boyfriend
Lazy student
Socially unaccepted
Poor worker
Even in the few areas i thought i was doing ok in ive been recently told that i suck. I feel like im failing in everything. It wouldnt suprise me if in the end i managed to drive the people i care about away and feel like i failed life. Then If I went to a tall building and killed myself, who would stop to give a damn? almost noone.
Bleh...
im just so tired of all the crap in my life. i just want everything to be simple.
I cant even sleep right anymore. fail at that too
youfail.org my new website
out
Bad friend
Aggravating son
Annoying brother
Stupid boyfriend
Lazy student
Socially unaccepted
Poor worker
Even in the few areas i thought i was doing ok in ive been recently told that i suck. I feel like im failing in everything. It wouldnt suprise me if in the end i managed to drive the people i care about away and feel like i failed life. Then If I went to a tall building and killed myself, who would stop to give a damn? almost noone.
Bleh...
im just so tired of all the crap in my life. i just want everything to be simple.
I cant even sleep right anymore. fail at that too
youfail.org my new website
out
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
mind warz
sorry i havnt blogged in a whilez been busy and lazy and my minds been bugging the crap out of me. idk what to think anymore. bleh
Ok got back thursday from tahoe friday claire came over which was nice and we watched dark knight (again for both of us but still awshum movie!)
Saturday i went to claires where we went to cal skate with jessica and alvin and alda. alvin and alda didnt skate much and jessicas sisters were there. after skating we went back to claires house and hung out.
sunday i went to church then nickys then youth group. Darren and Calvin were also at nickys. it was ok but they ended up doing coop on this boring shooter game that i didnt want to play so nicky gave me the laptop so i could chat with claire.
monday school again. i felt blehish all day. Things bugging me. Tuesday and today went much the same way.
blehhh
my mind is out to drive me insane
outtie
Ok got back thursday from tahoe friday claire came over which was nice and we watched dark knight (again for both of us but still awshum movie!)
Saturday i went to claires where we went to cal skate with jessica and alvin and alda. alvin and alda didnt skate much and jessicas sisters were there. after skating we went back to claires house and hung out.
sunday i went to church then nickys then youth group. Darren and Calvin were also at nickys. it was ok but they ended up doing coop on this boring shooter game that i didnt want to play so nicky gave me the laptop so i could chat with claire.
monday school again. i felt blehish all day. Things bugging me. Tuesday and today went much the same way.
blehhh
my mind is out to drive me insane
outtie
Thursday, February 19, 2009
i be back
I am back from tahoe. got back 2:30ish and unloaded car and stuff. Now instead of being bored like crazy in tahoe im bored like crazy in san jose. But claire will be here tomorrowz =D. cant wait!
Out
Out
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
bored
so the first important thing of the day happened at 12:02 am when daniel punched me for setting his laptop down. aint that nice.
Anyways went to bed after that. woke up 9:40 ish and hung around house for a while went bowling at 2ish long wait where i killed daniel at arcade games then we bowled and i killed him at that too. and he got mad. went home and hung some more. nothing rly happened today. boring most of the time.
bleh
Anyways went to bed after that. woke up 9:40 ish and hung around house for a while went bowling at 2ish long wait where i killed daniel at arcade games then we bowled and i killed him at that too. and he got mad. went home and hung some more. nothing rly happened today. boring most of the time.
bleh
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