I am home sick today. Its Tuesday the first of finals days. I didn't actually have any finals today. Free play in P.E and free time in geometry. I was looking forward to school today. but nooo the one time im gonna enjoy school im sick -.-. I have to go to school tomorrow regardless of my medical condition because i have spanish final.
Spanish is going crappy anyways. I have D+ and like 12 0s. i need to get good grade on final or my dad might ground me during part of the summer. Math B- cuz i blew off some hw then got caught helping someone else on test. English alright high B need to good on final. I want to take Chem honors next year cuz a bunch of my friends are and only 2 teachers so prbly get put in same class but im late on turning in the change ur class form =(.
Nicky and I are planning some Great America trips this summer. he wants to go with a bunch of different groups of his friends. I'd prbly go twice once with my group (Darren, Nicky, Calvin, Raymond, White Patrick, and me) and once with the sierramont "emo hater group" (what nicky calls em XD). we need to get good planning for that.
school gets out on thursday :D! gonna see terminator with nicky and some other ppl prbly and hang out with claire and friends and stuff. got missions trip this summer for a week, then claires going to singapore for 3 weeks then bringing her grandma back for 2 weeks. i got michigan trip with family in august. then school starts again.
Out
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
back
Hello. Long time since i last blogged. I was really depressed and annoyed then. Things have gotten better. A few good things have happened. Now my only serious source of annoyance is from not having the freedom to live my own life (damn parents). School and family is still crap but idc rly as long as they dont bug me. i cant wait till summer! more time with claire and no school and then when shes gone in singapore (omg miss her so much) ima try to spend tons of time with my friends! Get to know raymond and calvin and a few other guys better and try to spend more time with nicky and darren. Tyler totally hates me but i dont care really hes always been kinda a selifsh jackass.
Anyways I hope to get a summer job! I want to work so i can save up money so as soon as i turn 18 i can get out of this hellhole. hopefully claire can join me when shes 18 ;).
Schools terrible for me right now. My spanish got to D+ recently which means i need summer school or retake next year if it doesnt go up to C-. Cadd suxs its boring and i blew off a bunch of projects got C now. Hedstrom=dumb old talking prune. English actually doing alright. Math went from A- to B- cuz i didnt do constructions stuff. need to make that up.
My friends right now aren't very good. Nickys awesome of course. But besides him mostly they only care about stupid video games. they are always talking about some random crap involving some online game or something and i just stay quiet cuz i actually got better things to do then get 1431049230495 killz on COD or combat arms or whatever. I dont talk to pretty much any of them besides nicky shawn and raymond about anything serious. and raymonds kinda detached and apathetical about everything although hes rly smart. nickys cool :D. Ive been talking to shawn some recently. Idk lots of things have happened and hes said some things i didnt expect and im not rly sure bout him anymore... plus hes so OMG EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE PERFECT BETWEEN ME AND MY MAN FRIENDDD D:. i like him and all its just kinda ridiculous sometimes...
Good things have happened for me and claire recently. im getting more cheerful :). now i just want time to fast forward so im an adult alrdy.
oooh made a big list of my fav songs! Got a bunch including multiple songs from
Anyways I hope to get a summer job! I want to work so i can save up money so as soon as i turn 18 i can get out of this hellhole. hopefully claire can join me when shes 18 ;).
Schools terrible for me right now. My spanish got to D+ recently which means i need summer school or retake next year if it doesnt go up to C-. Cadd suxs its boring and i blew off a bunch of projects got C now. Hedstrom=dumb old talking prune. English actually doing alright. Math went from A- to B- cuz i didnt do constructions stuff. need to make that up.
My friends right now aren't very good. Nickys awesome of course. But besides him mostly they only care about stupid video games. they are always talking about some random crap involving some online game or something and i just stay quiet cuz i actually got better things to do then get 1431049230495 killz on COD or combat arms or whatever. I dont talk to pretty much any of them besides nicky shawn and raymond about anything serious. and raymonds kinda detached and apathetical about everything although hes rly smart. nickys cool :D. Ive been talking to shawn some recently. Idk lots of things have happened and hes said some things i didnt expect and im not rly sure bout him anymore... plus hes so OMG EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE PERFECT BETWEEN ME AND MY MAN FRIENDDD D:. i like him and all its just kinda ridiculous sometimes...
Good things have happened for me and claire recently. im getting more cheerful :). now i just want time to fast forward so im an adult alrdy.
oooh made a big list of my fav songs! Got a bunch including multiple songs from
- Green Day
- Queen
- and of course ADAM LAMBERT!
Britains got talent was interesting. Susan Boyle LOST :O. Diversity the dance group won. I still think Greg Pritchard got scammed cuz Hollie Steele started crying in the fourth semi final and got pushed to the 5th and only 2 can go to final so she stole his spot.
Im only gonna be blogging occasionally from now on idk how much.
Out
Thursday, March 12, 2009
im done for now...
I am going to stop blogging and putting moods on my social network accounts. I just cant communicate all thats happening right now in words. Too many problems for me and others and confusions and so much other crap. And so many of you are blissfully ignorant of the reality out there which will some day come and bite your ass. Too many of you just are coasting on your parents money and saying o yay getting good grades will make me happy and u spend too much time on homework. and you have no life. never faced a serious problem ever. Then there are people who are druggies and others who are so fucked up they cant tell life from a game and they take nothing seriously. Nerd and "cool". if you are either then you need to change. If your a nerd you need to expand your horizons and do something exciting with your life besides omg i just got my billionth A in my ap calculus class or some bull shit. If your cool get your heads out of the clouds take a look around you and look at the shit your life is in. Its a fine line and the only real way you should live in a modern day high school society. anything else and u wont be prepared for the world.
out
out
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Mask
Hello people. Ima stop blogging about my feelingz since it just brings other people down. And unless i put on a happy face to the world people will be depressed or not want to be around me. ima act happy all the time no matter whats going on on the inside. itz my new mask
So anywayz
2day was boringz. Hedstrom was terrible with her test almost noone finished and Cadd was bad cuz i got moved to the back and im not looking forward to antigone in english. Everythings moving slow and dull right now.
out
So anywayz
2day was boringz. Hedstrom was terrible with her test almost noone finished and Cadd was bad cuz i got moved to the back and im not looking forward to antigone in english. Everythings moving slow and dull right now.
out
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
What might have been...
Bleh... feeling emoish again...
Had a talk with my dad about claire. I didn't tell him anything at all. i just cant.
Seriously i wonder if cutting myself would at least distract my mind for a few minutes. i overthink too many things and it drives me crazy. I know i can never me completely content untill either everythings good or one things is perfect. i know that everything will never be good and i doubt anything will ever be perfect. if everything was good i could think about anything and id be happy even with slight imperfections cuz i know the big picture is good. if one thing was perfect i could focus and relish that and itd be my little escape from the rest of the world. Few things are actually important enough to fall under this category i can only think of 3 possibilities atm. Whenever I think about anything i overthink it like crazy and i consider everything like what i couldve done differently and if i couldve stopped something from happening or changed something or someone. Then I think what i can do to fix it but usually somethings stopping me. then i just keep thinking about what mightve been and i drive myself crazy over it. and i worry about what further things could happen. Then i lose track of what the hell i was thinking about leaving me a jumbled mess. its pathetic
What might have been...
Out
Had a talk with my dad about claire. I didn't tell him anything at all. i just cant.
Seriously i wonder if cutting myself would at least distract my mind for a few minutes. i overthink too many things and it drives me crazy. I know i can never me completely content untill either everythings good or one things is perfect. i know that everything will never be good and i doubt anything will ever be perfect. if everything was good i could think about anything and id be happy even with slight imperfections cuz i know the big picture is good. if one thing was perfect i could focus and relish that and itd be my little escape from the rest of the world. Few things are actually important enough to fall under this category i can only think of 3 possibilities atm. Whenever I think about anything i overthink it like crazy and i consider everything like what i couldve done differently and if i couldve stopped something from happening or changed something or someone. Then I think what i can do to fix it but usually somethings stopping me. then i just keep thinking about what mightve been and i drive myself crazy over it. and i worry about what further things could happen. Then i lose track of what the hell i was thinking about leaving me a jumbled mess. its pathetic
What might have been...
Out
Friday, February 27, 2009
Fail
Today was ok. school was bleh. claire came over after which was nice. im feeling depressed now though. ive been looking at myself lately and ive looked at myself from some prespectives of my life. heres what ive found.
Bad friend
Aggravating son
Annoying brother
Stupid boyfriend
Lazy student
Socially unaccepted
Poor worker
Even in the few areas i thought i was doing ok in ive been recently told that i suck. I feel like im failing in everything. It wouldnt suprise me if in the end i managed to drive the people i care about away and feel like i failed life. Then If I went to a tall building and killed myself, who would stop to give a damn? almost noone.
Bleh...
im just so tired of all the crap in my life. i just want everything to be simple.
I cant even sleep right anymore. fail at that too
youfail.org my new website
out
Bad friend
Aggravating son
Annoying brother
Stupid boyfriend
Lazy student
Socially unaccepted
Poor worker
Even in the few areas i thought i was doing ok in ive been recently told that i suck. I feel like im failing in everything. It wouldnt suprise me if in the end i managed to drive the people i care about away and feel like i failed life. Then If I went to a tall building and killed myself, who would stop to give a damn? almost noone.
Bleh...
im just so tired of all the crap in my life. i just want everything to be simple.
I cant even sleep right anymore. fail at that too
youfail.org my new website
out
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
mind warz
sorry i havnt blogged in a whilez been busy and lazy and my minds been bugging the crap out of me. idk what to think anymore. bleh
Ok got back thursday from tahoe friday claire came over which was nice and we watched dark knight (again for both of us but still awshum movie!)
Saturday i went to claires where we went to cal skate with jessica and alvin and alda. alvin and alda didnt skate much and jessicas sisters were there. after skating we went back to claires house and hung out.
sunday i went to church then nickys then youth group. Darren and Calvin were also at nickys. it was ok but they ended up doing coop on this boring shooter game that i didnt want to play so nicky gave me the laptop so i could chat with claire.
monday school again. i felt blehish all day. Things bugging me. Tuesday and today went much the same way.
blehhh
my mind is out to drive me insane
outtie
Ok got back thursday from tahoe friday claire came over which was nice and we watched dark knight (again for both of us but still awshum movie!)
Saturday i went to claires where we went to cal skate with jessica and alvin and alda. alvin and alda didnt skate much and jessicas sisters were there. after skating we went back to claires house and hung out.
sunday i went to church then nickys then youth group. Darren and Calvin were also at nickys. it was ok but they ended up doing coop on this boring shooter game that i didnt want to play so nicky gave me the laptop so i could chat with claire.
monday school again. i felt blehish all day. Things bugging me. Tuesday and today went much the same way.
blehhh
my mind is out to drive me insane
outtie
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